Randomness
by SpoonfulOfArsenic
Summary: Warning: Story is pointless.  Well, my friend and I got a little hyper while we were swimming... which later resulted in me writing this.


**PLEASE READ**

**Okay... my friend and I were in her pool the other day, and I was sitting on a floaty. I simply said, "I feel like a queen." Next thing I knew we were roleplaying as different characters, me being the Red Queen. So I wrote this random thing based on it. Be warned, it has mermaids and a cameo by Eowyn from LOTR at the beginning. :P**

_Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. Except the random phrases and the insanity contained in this._

Red Queen: "It's so nice to be out on the water." *shifts on her floaty*

Eowyn: "Is there anything you would like, your majesty?"

Red Queen: "Yes. Go fetch me a mermaid."

Eowyn: "Right…"

Mermaid: *swims up* "What would you like, my queen?"

Red Queen: "Uh… flail around like a crazy person."

Mermaid: "Er… okay." *flails*

Red Queen: "No, more with the arms!

(A half hour later)

Red Queen: "Esmerelda! Esmey? Where are you?"

(Another mermaid appears)

Esmey: "Yes? Are you ready for your session?"

Red Queen: "Yes I am."

Esmey: "Would you like something to drink before we start?"

Red Queen: "Strawberry lemonade."

Esmey: "Here you are." *hands her the drink* "Majesty, before we begin, I must tell you something."

Red Queen: "What?"

Esmey: "The other mermaids… have fake tails!"

Red Queen: "WHAT? Off with their legs, then!"

Esmey: "Of course, majesty. I am terribly sorry about this."

Red Queen: "As if I didn't already have enough problems! What the bloody tart is wrong with this kingdom?" *sigh* "Anyways… onto my other complaints."

Esmey: *takes out her notepad*

Red Queen: "The fish servants have been leaving wet trails everywhere, there's been an increase of frog thieves, the furniture has been very rude…"

(One hour later)

Red Queen: "And the flamingos have not been stiff enough to properly hit the hedgehogs!"

Esmey: "Oh, I do wish you didn't have so many bothers in your life."

Red Queen: "Oh, yes! And I have no idea how Ilosovic truly feels about me. I'm not so sure he's head over heels for me." *pout*

Esmey: "Have you thought of asking him?"

Red Queen: "No, he would freeze up… Hey! I've got it! Go and call for the Hatter."

Esmey: "Yes, majesty. Hatter? Hatter!"

Hatter: "Yeeees?"

Red Queen: *looks down and sees that he's wearing yellow flippers*

Hatter: "Do ya like me duck feet?" *hops from foot to foot*

Red Queen: "Uh…"

Hatter: J

Red Queen: "I uh… need you to do something for me."

Hatter: "Alright, but I need your opinion on me duck feet!" *lifts his leg up and knocks the queen off her floaty*

Red Queen: "HELP! I can't swim!" *waves arms desperately*

Hatter: "Just stand up, dearest!"

Red Queen: "Oh…" *stands up*

Esmey: "Dearest?"

Hatter: *gasp* "Wait a minute! She's not my wife!" :O

Red Queen: "Hatter, I need your help."

Hatter: "Yes, what is it?"

Red Queen: "You're a man, right?"

Hatter: *glances down* "… Yes."

Red Queen: "Well, I need you to talk to the Knave about me. Ask him whether he really loves me or not."

Hatter: "Right then!" *wanders off*

Red Queen: "Well… he better find out something good…"

(Fifteen minutes later)

Hatter: "The first thing I have to say is, try not to kill him."

Red Queen: "What did you find out?"

Hatter: "He never loved you! And he only pretended to so he could have a bit more power!"

Red Queen: *evil eyes of doom*

(Twelve hours of the queen screaming at the Knave later)

Red Queen: *huffs a breath as she enters the pool again* "That felt good."

Hatter: "Yes! He's out of your life!" *futterwackens*

Red Queen: "Hatter… your futterwacken seems to be lacking…"

Esmey: "Sweet mushrooms of Witzend! He's lost his ability!"

Hatter: "NO!" *breaths heavily*

Red Queen: "We must do something about this!"

Esmey: "I know just what to do. We must go to Neverland and pick some flowers!"

Red Queen: "Flowers?"

Esmey: "Fire lilies to be exact."

Red Queen: "Well… if it will help him dance again."

Hatter: "Can I bring me duck feet?"

Red Queen: "Of… course…"

So they all went off to Neverland, found the fire lilies, and the Hatter futterwackened again.

All was well.

**We actually kept this going a lot longer, but I thought I'd end there. Did ya like the Hatter's duck feet? XD**


End file.
